Boardlane TV reporting live from the beaches of Negril, where we are here to get the reactions of Jamaicans on the controversial Volkswagen ad that has been causing a stir in the U.S. Some critics have described the pregame Super Bowl ad from Volkswagen of America as offensive and culturally insensitive. Some will say, it depends who you talk to, so let us find out how these folks in tourist town, feel about it.
Boardlane TV: Good afternoon, Mister. Have you heard of the new Volkswagen ad that has been causing quite a buzz in the United States?
Bugzy: Yeah man. Di ad have a cool vibes still. Weh dem a try show people seh is dat nutten too tough noh badda we Jamaicans, yuh si mi? If wi noh have food fi eat, wi jus pap big smile an gwaan pose aff wid white squall pan wi mout carna sed way. If wata lack aff… no problem man…wi jus wait til when rain start fall fi ketch a bade. A soh wi dweet!
Boardlane TV: So you endorse the happy-go-lucky vibe the ad portrays of Jamaicans and you believe that is a good thing for the car company?
Bugzy: Moas definitely caah fram dem naah talk bout how wi a tief an smoke ganja, mi cool wid it. More time di white people dem too uptight, fi real. Like all di man inna di en bout im a look pan watch an a race up di man bout im late. Jamaican people noh watch clack dem way deh. Mi glad when Dave tell im fi chill out im blurtneet self, bout im a look pan watch. If a mi did a run dah ad deh, mi mek Dave come outta di cyar an shat im bax mek im dizzy! A soh wi dweet. Maximum rispec to Dave an di crew, fi real.
Boardlane TV: Thanks for your candor, young man. Good afternoon sir, as a food vendor here in Negril I am sure you meet a lot of tourist day-to-day. What do you think of Volkswagen’s portrayal of Jamaicans using a white man from Minnesota?
Macka Beard: Di advertizment wikid! Hey, yuh know seh mi know dah bredda deh inna di commercial?
Boardlane TV: (Puzzled) You do?
Macka Beard: Yeah man, Dave come on yah nuff time an orda two fish an bammy fram mi more time. Im come a yaad every holiday fi soak up some sun. A mi artical dat!
Boardlane TV: But do you realize the gentleman is an actor and “Dave” is not his real name? Are you sure you are not mistaking him for someone else?
Macka Beard: Yow, yuh a tek big man fi fool? Mi seh a mi idren DAVE weh come fram Mannasotta weh come a mi food stan all di while!
Boardlane TV: The name of the State is Minnesota, sir. Min-nes-ota.
Macka Beard: Mannasotta.. Minnesota.. wah di difference? Mi a try show yuh seh a dah same man deh come drink two Red Stripe wid mi all di while. Im use to walk all bout pan di beach wid im face lang dung til mi haffi show im seh im fi tun im frown in a smile an noh tek noh stress. Si dem all a use it inna di commercial. A mi all teach im fi chat like yaad man, soh mi noh know weh yuh a come questian mi bout.
Boardlane TV: OK, OK. I am not going to argue with you, sir. Have a good day. (Calling out ) Mister, could you give us a few minutes? Have you heard of the VW ad that is being debated in the news lately?
Reggie: Yes lady! Mi si di ad a run pan di news an dem a seh some farrin people seh it racist an dem ting deh.
Boardlane TV: Do you agree with that?
Reggie: No Star! Di ad ah-rite but a di cyar dem mi noh like. Dem deh blastid VW always a bruck dung wid people a road to bloodbawt. Yuh know seh mi did have wan inna ‘88 weh wi use to call “Buggy.” Memba dem? Mi seh as mi drive aff fi bout 2 minute, di flipping cyar cut aff an a cough like it a choke. Den it alone coulda kill ten tousen maskita wid di amount a smoke weh a falla back a it.
Boardlane TV: Well, that was back then. I think they have better cars these days.
Reggie: Mi noh care weh dem waan seh inna dem commercial, mi naah buy noh more VW a bombeet! Dem coulda tun dem frown inna smile til di sun tun red, mi naah buy none! But mi still tink di commercial tun up!
Boardlane TV: Well, glad you see things in some positive light. Thanks and have a good day.
Norma: (Walking along as she yells) PEPPA SWIMPS! FIFTY DALLA gi yuh a bag! PEPPA SWIMPS!
Boardlane TV: (Waving) Hello miss. Come here for a minute, love.
Norma: (Excited) Peppa swimps, lady?
Boardlane TV: No, no. Just want ask a question. Boardlane TV here and we are live on air.
Norma: (Patting her hair down) Lawd Gad lady! Afta mi hair noh comb. Mi cyaan deh pan TV wid mi head tan soh!
Boardlane TV: You look fine. Wanted to ask you if you heard about the Super Bowl ad from Volkswagen and what’s your take on it. Is it controversial to you?
Norma: Oh! Yuh talk bout di ad wid di hurry-come-up man weh a tell people inna im workplace seh dem fi tap mek up dem face like sour puss an bi happy? Mi like it man! Mi jus glad dem neva mek im wear wan a dem hat wid di fake rasta dread a heng aff pan it. A dat time mi woulda cuss! Mi cyaan bare si di sinting pan di white people dem head.
Boardlane TV: So no controversy at all for you?
Norma: No, Miss TV lady. Nutten noh wrang wid it. An wan neda ting mi glad fah, is dat dem neva play noh Bob Marley chune inna di background. Marley music sweet an all but a full time odda people get a buss. Mi did love fi hear when Jimmy Cliff come aan. Mi all did figet seh im a smaddy to how dem live pan Bob Marley. Every blastid commercial dem do a farrin is bare: (singing) One love, one heart… Let’s get together and feel all right… Cho! Mi tiyad a dat rahtid now man. VW to di worrrll! A soh wi seh!
Boardlane TV: (Laughing) So funny. We thank you for your remarks.
Norma: Soh wait deh. Yuh naah buy wan Peppa swimps fram mi?
Boardlane TV: OK. I’ll have one for you being such a good sport. But in the meantime, let me turn it back to our studios. This has been Wendy reporting live from Negril. Thanks for tuning in to Boardlane TV.
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© Written by Joelle C. Wright January 31, 2013
Books by the author:
“A Soh Wi Do It!“
“A Soh It Goh!“
“A Soh Dem Gwaan!”
For more laughs, visit: http://www.ackeepodpublishing.com/category/parodies/
